Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
