Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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