How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
