Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
