Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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