i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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