Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
