Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
