"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
