I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
