I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
