the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
well you can't waste a boner
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
