Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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