her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
