Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
