I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
