Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
