that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
