Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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