Can Purell be used as lube?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
