so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
