He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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