If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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