Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
