I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
