i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
