clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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