Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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