I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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