look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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