I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
