I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
