i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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