literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
