Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Randomize
