you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
