No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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