can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
foreskin is a definite game changer
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
