I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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