dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you win again, gameday.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
