I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
