so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
