she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
