Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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