We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
