i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
