I have demons in me.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she smelled like a LAN party
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
