So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
