You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
