it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
