I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
