So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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