just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
